I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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