Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Randomize
