I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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