Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
