forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The best revenge is premature balding
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
