Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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