Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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