Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize