Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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