you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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