I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
