Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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