Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
