Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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