Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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