I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize