Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
