I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
