its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
