Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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