anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
