Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize