The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
