Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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