no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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