Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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