i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
