bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
