Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Two words: nipple clamps
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