I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
