one word: firstdatebathroomanal
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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