did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
