he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize