my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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