you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
