I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
