I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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