Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize