Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
