I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
