I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize