I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
