come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
