So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
