Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
did i just pee glitter
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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