I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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