that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
