i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there's paper in my vomit.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
