Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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