Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
