You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
