covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize