You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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