Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
