Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
