He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
