it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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