I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
