so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
