In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
