there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize