worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
