my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
