Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
