i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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