Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
