turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
