Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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