my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
