Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
