all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Randomize
