I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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