seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They took my balls.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize