That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
