then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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